I know folks, I am well overdue for some blogging here – especially with the things happening in my life over the past few weeks.   I am going to attempt to get some stuff about Logan, Fatherhood, and the emotional and spiritual journey this has been this week.   I really want to do that.

Today however, I have a post even further overdue.    At the end of March, CG and I had the opportunity to tour the finished remodel of our old apartment.   That’s right, April 1 was the first day people have lived in that place since July 14th, 2008!   Fire is bad, really bad!   

They did a great job with the redesign, changing the layout including adding a second full-bath to the first floor, all hardwood floors (when we were there it was 100% carpet), and ceiling fans.    I thought Doug did a great job as did Chelsey, but ultimately we were able to appreciate the restoration and not be upset at what might have been “taken” from us.   We are thrilled to be where we are, and believe we’re right where God wants us.

Below is a video of the remodeled place for all those who might want to see the changes.   Enjoy it!  

On last note, we just found out this weekend that tenant who lived on the 2nd Floor for 38 years (and is the one who discovered and alerted us to the fire) past away last Wednesday.   Rest In Peace Carolyn, aka RAYCTHYME.

No one can deny that we've had one crazy summer, but I have really felt challenged recently to reflect on what has really happened over the last 6 months.   We've have had some of the highest of highs combined with the lowest of lows.   There's got to be something to be learned from all that we have experienced.

If anyone would have seen us the night of the 11th of July, you'd of thought that we either just got engaged or just found out we were pregnant (that came later).   The truth is, we had just signed a contract on a home that neither of us ever expected we'd be able to get.   We were beside ourselves that night with both pure joy and disbelief.  We didn't deserve that house, but it was going to be ours.   

But that excitement was changed three days later.  At 10pm that next Monday we were notified that our apartment building had caught on fire.   The short story is that we were unable to return to live there, and even though we just had water damage to our apartment and little loss, there has definitely been a feeling of displacement since then. 

That drastic change in emotion has been going on and on all summer, and throughout we have felt like God was really trying to teach us about entitlement, or lack there of it.   I've taken the past week or so to finally sit down and explore what God says we are entitled to, and how and why this summer has been so good and yet so challenging.

Here are some simple truths I've learned:

Our God is a GIVING God.   He loves to give to his people.  He gave bread to the people of Israel when they were hungry.  He gives wisdom and knowledge to those who ask Him for it (James 1), and ultimately He gives life through His son, Jesus Christ (John 3:16).  

I am sure one could identify plenty more examples of where God gave His people something they had asked for.   But I think there are a few things that we have to remember when talking about entitlement.  

1. God gives to His people.  Therefore, we must first be in Him.
2. God's giving isn't always because we're entitled to something.

His Word shares with us scripture to explain this.  First, in John 14:13, Jesus tells us that when we ask for something to do it in his name, and it will be given.  This is not flippant. When we ask something in the name of Christ, believing that He is who He says He is.   But we must also ask with right motives.  James 4:1-3 warns us about asking God for things for our own selfish pleasures.

Second is the idea that everything we ask for, and that which we may receive, doesn't always give us an entitlement to it.   I can't help but to think of the Israelites here.   God gave them manna to eat, time and time again.  But I don't think they were necessarily entitled to the manna, but given it as a gift because of God's grace.     In Matthew 6:5-8, Jesus instructs us to be specific with our prayers, because the Father already knows our needs.

I think the struggle for me has been the task of taking Matthew 6 and knowing how to balance it against Psalm 37:4 -- "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."  For us, the fire or the fear of even a miscarriage, is nothing we would've asked for or even desired.   So how does that fit into the Lord giving us our desires?

One thing that I often want to forget, but I think is an essential piece of this thought process if that sometimes what we need is not always going to be what we desire, and sometimes it may even be discipline.   Hebrews 12:5-6 says that the Father will discipline the ones He loves.   We never desire that, but sometimes, we need it.  

I might never know the answer, but I have come to a point where I am not going to be afraid to ask if there's been something that has been in the way between me and God.   Was there an idol? "our perfect little apartment", that I became too content with and was prohibiting me from a proper view of God?  Or was it all an accident, and just a lesson in rolling with the punches? But the biggest shame here I think would not be to ask at all.

Which ever may be the reason, I do know this.  That we can't take anything for granted.  Our life, whether it feels like it's on a high or low is in the hands of God.   He's got the plan.   It's my desire to learn how to better honor and glorify him through it all.   And that even in the middle of the unexplainable hard times we can still pursue happiness.