…Truth will win out.

One of the most blunt truths I feel I am being forced to look at right now is the area of leadership.   How am I leading others such as our house church, friends, family, my wife, and last but not least MYSELF.  I have been aware of the opportunity to improve and give more of myself in a lot of these areas for some time now, but I think in the past few weeks I have been awakened to thought that one of my biggest points of failure right now is how I have been failing to lead myself.  That’s not always easy to swallow.  

What does it mean to lead?   I think it has a lot a facets.  I think leading means time-management, relationally building into others, showing the way, seeking truth, and having one’s priorities straight.   And if I really look back at the last year that doesn’t seem like it describes who I have been.   My get-it-done nature has not taken the time to focus on those critical priorities in life and help others do the same.   

I’m honestly not surprised by this revelation as I know why it’s so heavy on my heart.  It’s fatherhood.  One of the things I am most excited about is the opportunity and trust that has already been given to me to raise and lead a family.  But it’s also one of my fears right now.   Am I going to be the man they need me to be so that they (Chelsey and baby) may flourish and be the woman and man I desire them to become?   My scouting leadership training has taught me that those under the leader take on lifestyles that resemble the lifestyle of the leader.   I’m not sure that I can completely say I am satisfied with that thought right now.

I have always had this desire within myself when pondering the thought of fatherhood that my desire would be that my kids would look more like Jesus than I do.   But as reality sets in, it’s hitting home that for that desire to become true I’ve got to striving to look like Him myself, with all that I have before I can expect that they might look like too (not to say they can’t learn to follow Jesus elsewhere, but if it can start at home all the better).   

As I’ve been thinking about all this, I keep coming back to this passage: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11.    I believe in this passage, but I really feel I have not been able to live it out - that the plans and future that the Lord has for me are waiting for me to lead myself in a manner worthy of receiving them.    That is my failure and yet my goal.  That I live so that He may bestow upon me the plans He has for me to begin with.

I think there are a lot of things in life that cause us to reflect.  When we visit a place we’ve been before, we reflect on the last time we were there.   When we win or defeat something, we tend to reflect on our previous victories and those victories of others.   And when we fall down or sin, we often find ourselves looking back on previous errors we made as well.

Recognizing, remembering, and being able to recollect those memories I feel is critical in life.  Those memories help us grow, become stronger, and hopefully by God’s grace allow to be part of reoccurring victories and stay away from those moments of agonizing defeats.   I know in my life though, after a short time those memories become just that, memories.   I can remember what happened previously but often forget the root of desire or act leading up to it, which I think is critical for truly growing and refining ourselves.

I think big changes in life help us to be more keenly aware of some of those root cause and effect situations going on in our life.  For me, the past few weeks have brought on a time of introspection on my own life, and caused me to really reflect and seek out the truth regarding both my victories and defeats.  And it’s not been easy to say the least.

I’ve been slowly reading through John, and I keep coming back to this.   John 1:5 says “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”.   That excites me.   It excites me to know that when these times of introspection come, the light that He brings will bring forth those dark areas we do not want to deal with. Truth will win out.

At the end of January, Phil Wing – one my groomsmen, released his latest album To Find You.  If you are a andygarrett.net blog reader and haven’t gotten your hands on a copy, I recommend you pick up one here.

I might be impartial because I know the guy, but like his previous album Phil has written some very beautiful lyrics focusing on living lives of worship (Romans 12) and who we are in Christ.   I am challenged by the lyrics in “Sing Through Me” on how I am living my life that allows Christ to sing through me.

But there’s another aspect of the album that has touched me in differently.    Phil and his wife Amber are currently in the process of adopting a child from Ethiopia.   This album gives glimpse into the spiritual journey Phil & Amber have been on to come to this point, as well as how God is preparing them for it in songs like “To Find You.”

As a father-to-be, I can relate in my own way to those feelings of anticipation and excitement.   As I listen to “I Still Am”, I can’t help but think of a picture of father protecting, leading, teaching their child, and how it excites me to play that role, but also the hope I can display a godly example of being dependent on God to my child as well to protect, lead, and teach us, because He Still Is.

Thanks Phil, for allowing God to use and Sing Through You.     I’m excited for you guys.

as a side note… the new album by The Fray is good as well. 

Much to the despise of some of my friends, I’ve become an avid user and fan of Twitter.    Twitter is what some call the “best part of facebook” without all the clutter.   Whether that is true or not, I can’t say, but I can say that Twitter has been an easy & convenient way to keep track of what people are doing, reading, and talking about.

But I have found Twitter to be useful for more than just keeping up with people, but for other tasks as well.  Here’s a few examples:

@TrackThis – Need to track a FEDEX or UPS, @TrackThis will send you a direct message every time the package moves.

@Woot – I’ve been tracking the daily deals on Woot.com for nearly two years.  Having the daily deal sent to me via Twitter saves me a few clicks every morning.    There are many websites like Woot, who have Twitter accounts to send website updates via Twitter, such as @CNN, @ESPN, among others.

And like all great web services, Twitter has a great programming interface which has allowed me to most recently combine our Polymon Monitoring System with @joepruitt’s PoshTweet PowerShell script to enable tracking our server’s online status with Twitter.    I’m still working out some kinks, but it’s been cool to find was to use Twitter for this. I’m sure more useful uses for Twitter, and tools like it, but I thought I’d share some of the ways I have been using it with my blog readers.

If I have any blog readers using Twitter, that I haven’t began to follow, give me a shout @andyjgarrett

About three weeks ago now, Chelsey grabbed my hand and put it on her stomach.   I can remember my eyes getting big, looking at Chelsey thinking, “Was that him?”, “Did I really just feel that?”   Wow, it was a moment I hope never to forget.  

And since then, it’s happened more and more.   Chelsey feels him kicking all the time, but I’m still lucky to be able to match up my timing and his.   When we do however, it’s been awesome.   I’ve even gotten to the point where when I push, he pushes back – that’s been awesome.  I can’t wait to play with his feet more.

As we’re nearing the end of this journey, it’s getting more and more exciting.   Chelsey’s belly has been growing, and I love it!  I’m excited for the journey ahead, the opportunities and the challenges.   Life is going to change… and it’s going to be awesome!