A few weeks ago I sat down with a brother in Christ to talk through some differences we were having over some jokes that we made.   I spent some praying leading up to this meeting about why I was reacting the way I was to these comments and it hit me that there wasn’t a history of encouragement built up with this brother.  Over time, the joking started to feel less and less like jokes, so that was hard.   I wasn’t feeling refreshed, as Proverbs 11:25 speaks of:

A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.

As we met I shared this thought with him, and his response, while honest, really got me thinking.   He shared that he’s never really had brothers in Christ who have valued encouraging him.   As a brother in his life I haven’t stopped hearing that comment.    While personally I’ve never tried to tear him down, I’ve not intentionally sought to build him up either.   So while neither of us were trying to truly hurt the other, our relationship was clearly lacking one important thing: edification.

Men I think are guilty of this more then women.  We love to chide one another, I’m as guilty as anyone here.  And honestly, I think we do it in order to relate to one another and build relationships.   But at some point, we need to be refreshing one another as well – building up each other, speaking into the deeper and more important parts of the other’s heart, being honest with one another.

The old sang goes, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all.”   I think edifying another takes a lot more time invested, trust built up, and honesty shown – but the reward is that you too are edified in doing so.

I’m challenged to learn to refresh those I am in community with more regularly.   I challenge you to do the same.